Bibliofreakblog

The FB Zombie Apocalypse Discussions: A Prequel(s)

 This is a picture of Jim with a big fuckin’ tank.  I think that he’s been off trying to teach others how to use tanks this week, which is why he has not chimed in yet on the Zombie Apocalypse debate.  Actually, he called Jason yesterday (and while I didn’t talk to him, I fear that he IS fucking things up with his new girlfriend…really I think he just dates the wrong kind of girls…the kind that have no chance at surviving a zombie apocalypse), but he has no internet access.  Something about not wanting military secrets to leak out onto the interwebs.

Below is the thread that inspired me to go to my friends on Facebook regarding Zombie Appreciation Week.  The first is Jim’s status update, and the rest is the thread that follows.  Then there’s some other stuff, which, if you are still reading by that time, I will explain.

Jim: is convinced that all he needs for the zombie uprising is a tank and a battle ax March 18 at 7:04 PM

 Ian and Jason like this.

Jason: A lot.  March 18 at 7:05 PM
Some Dude Named Nick: The Zombie Survival Guide recommends a motorcycle to traverse the closed off high ways due to the large amounts of abandoned vehicles though I suppose an Abrams wouldn’t have to too tough of a problem….until you came across abandoned Abrams’.  March 18 at 8:00 PM
Ian: Machete, water filter, and moped would be my priority items. You don’t want a means of transportation that is useless without gas, as is likely to happen in a Stage 3 scenario. March 18 at 11:15 PM
Jason: But wouldn’t a moped require gas? Also – mighty unprotected there…  March 19 at 7:30 PM
Ian:  I’ll say that, yes, in my scenario you are sacrificing some cover for increased mobility. A moped 1) uses little gas and 2) can be powered by pedals alone when no gas is available. The perfect compromise choice for a Level 3/fleeing all inhabited areas scenario, no?  March 19 at 10:50 PM

So then Jim posted a link on Jason’s wall to this site that actually sells tanks.  It must have sold because the link doesn’t work any more.  It had something to do with Atlas Missiles, which, admittedly, if you could get your hands on one, might be good during the Zombie Apocalypse, but I’m sure you can’t buy anywhere.

Then in April I chose my five for the Zombie Apocalyspe:

   

 

   

 

   

 

   

 

   

 

(Shotgun, water, food, flamethrower, and hatchet) 

I cleverly avoided the tank vs. moped/motorcyle debate by clarifying: this assumes I am already holed up somewhere and not trying to get some place, as I did not include mode of transportation.  April 20 at 9:42 AM

Lindsey: That’s some good Zombie survival right there. Have you been practicing with that axe? They can be hard to wield.  April 20 at 9:50 AM
J.T.:

Then Ian picked his five:

    

 

    

 

    

 

    

 

    

 

(Prescription Drugs [Most importantly Antibiotics and Painkillers], Moped, axe, Baretta M-9 9mm and Pure Water 2 Go Portable Plastic Water Bottle Filters & Water Filter Canteens ).

April 21 at 8:51 AM

Some guy named Peter: Ian, you’re forgetting the all important scatter gun April 21 at 9:46 AM
Lindsey: Then I picked up my Baretta! Now I’m hiding in the closet! Hiding from zombies in the closet! April 21 at 12:40 PM
Ian: I figure I team up with someone who put a scatter gun and a bunch of MREs in their 5.  April 22 at 7:20 AM 

Ian has brought up an interesting point in the last thing he said…he nonchalantly plays off the question of a scatter gun by assuming someone else will have one.  But does Ian KNOW anyone with a scatter gun?  For that matter, does he know anyone with a moped?  At least Jim knows how to drive a tank, but not everyone does.  

In the zombie apocalypse I think that you have to think inside the box.  Yes, you must be resourceful and make weapons out of the things that you have, but you also need to know your own abilities.  A tank may work for Jim because he knows where to get one and how to drive one (this assumes that mass chaos has lead to a break up of the army).  Also, look around at your friends.  Who would you want when defending zombies?  Personally, in a top five I would want the people I keep having these discussions with on FB.  Jim has military skills, and Ian has read the whole zombie survival guide.  What can I contribute?  Probably nothing.  Except to bring them all together at Geoffrey Feiger’s house.  But that’s a post still to come…